Tales In Tweets

2015-02-24 04:42:02 +0000 Sat to pen a short story when my wife handed me over the long list of grocery. Fact,indeed, is stranger than fiction.
(Story In Tweets)
2015-02-24 06:34:36 +0000 ‘Why’s he running, Mum?’ The child asked.
‘He’s a thief, Son.’
Pointing to a white car with beacon he asked, ‘And He?’
‘Perhaps the reason.’
2015-02-24 06:38:06 +0000 She came-She saw-She smiled.
Suddenly the 5 year old gleamingly shouted..MUMMY!
Daily Scenes only at 7am & 9pm-from office to hospital.
2015-02-26 20:19:20 +0000 The #SmallTownGuy tag made him wonder- How can ur town be #Small wen an entire neighbourhood came thronging to ur home wen u ran fever.
2015-02-26 20:27:35 +0000 ‘Why don’t you speak up?’ The boss said after the tongue lashing.
‘I have a family, Sir’ He responded with a smile ??
2015-03-10 22:19:56 +0000 ‘I Luv U as the chiffon sarees of a Yash Chopra’ I boasted.
‘Ah! They r colorless’ she quipped.
‘White is also pure my wife’ I smiled.
2015-03-10 22:34:39 +0000 Rediscovering Love
Falling all over again, after 2 kids, for a woman who was once your girlfriend & now your..
Some fall it is 🙂
2015-12-03 22:34:20 +0000 ‘Liar’ she smiled,when he held her hand professing his love,in college.’I still do’,a 80 yr old man smiled on her deathbed,hand in hand
2015-12-09 16:32:56 +0000 Inspired by Euripides,who said that gifts persuade even the gods,I experimented & guessed 2 things-he may be an Indian&Indians are Gods
2015-12-12 18:34:20 +0000 Her smiles on FB pics,at her wedding,woke me up to an optical illusion.Did she slit wrist for me,the other day or was her blood,kumkum?
2015-12-14 14:51:48 +0000 ‘Ship/AirPlane/Train are a safe bet, Son. Delhi road traffic will choke u’, Father said
He choked his son`s birthday wish of a jeep.
2015-12-16 14:33:48 +0000 Divorce due to language barrier
‘The person you are trying to reach is peaking to someone else’
She often heard this, while calling him
2015-12-18 18:20:55 +0000 ‘Am in bed on business’
Wife disconected my calls wid dis sms
‘Business means a state of being busy-I was on a PPT’
She clarified later
2015-12-19 17:30:28 +0000 Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way,
Let the world please enjoy, what I have to say
(A Storyteller’s Christmas Wish)
2015-12-20 19:08:04 +0000 ‘Is this your handwriting,Dad?’
My son CALLED on receiving his birthday CARD.
The Digital age had deprived him of the ink,pen&my touch.
2015-12-21 17:52:08 +0000 Son: Why book – why not TV?
Father: Books lets each create his own visions – A TV forces its own visions on you. TV cages – Book frees
2015-12-26 04:08:19 +0000 Received a gift today from my wife ??
I didnt know what #BoxingDay stands for
(Its when servants would receive gifts from their bosses)??
2016-01-02 05:35:58 +0000 We capture nature & bring it home,one vacation.
We forget about it,the moment it’s home.
That’s what we are/how nature is assassinated.
2016-01-02 15:37:17 +0000 Dog: We are disliked if we are weak ??
Lady Dog: We are liked if we are weak ??
(PS – Read them as Man/Woman)
2016-01-06 17:47:52 +0000 Son: Which is the most critical element for #Indians to survive?
Father: ‘OIL’. Eg. Food, Body, Career, Relations…
Apply Anywhere ??
2016-01-22 18:17:53 +0000 Today, after almost 25 yrs, I forgot the newspaper with my bed tea and picked up a book.
Felt as happy as a child, quarter of a century ago.
2016-01-25 13:44:24 +0000 We loved each other, as we loved our kith and kin
We wished companionship-our families didn’t
The Indian arranged marriage fell through
2016-01-26 15:10:20 +0000 Son: Why is 26Jan & 15Aug, National Holidays in India?
Father: `Cause children get to enjoy holidays only when their elders have toiled
2016-01-27 16:46:23 +0000 Father:Be ready for the family day at my office,tomorrow.Its important.
Son:When was the last time u attended parents-teachers meeting?
2016-01-28 14:48:02 +0000 Corporate Professional:Can`t pay u more than what u deserve
Maid:What would u do if ur employer says so
CP:I’ll find another
Maid:Do so
2016-01-28 16:40:52 +0000 Scientist:Do you believe in existence of elements which cant be proved?
Believer:Like what?
Believer:Believing is Seeing
2016-01-29 18:22:31 +0000 Eve (Corporate Professional): Pl support plastic ban. Have discarded them despite a habit of 20 years.
Adam (Homemaker): How about You?
2016-01-31 15:55:05 +0000 Son: Sorry,missed your birthday again.Corporate life sucks.
Father: How come I never did?I worked too.Probably fruits outgrow the tree.
2016-02-03 18:31:53 +0000 Husband:Dear wife,lets party on #Valentine.Only Us:)
Parent:What about our check-up that day?
Wife:U R useless!
2016-02-11 15:41:25 +0000 Taj Coffee Shop on #ValentinesDay-
Lad:Darling,that waiter is watching us since u arrived
Lady:Dad wanted 2 see ur status
2016-04-01 12:55:43 +0000 Fond Memories : My erstwhile sweetheart proposed me on #foolsday. She called it personification.
Epitaph : She is my wife today.
2016-04-29 18:46:37 +0000 #Love is #BullShit
Even the Bull doesn`t know when it`s to happen.
As soon as he knows, he charges but…
dumps it once relieved.
2016-09-05 17:21:25 +0000 Girl:#TeachersDay is celebrated to honor their contribution to a field/society.Why is #ParentsDay not so common?
Papa:For,its our duty
2016-09-08 19:00:11 +0000 Son:I want Ray-Ban for my birthday
Father:Dont ban the rays.They show the brighter side of life&thats the only way,you can live happily
2016-09-10 23:44:35 +0000 Judge:No Divorce.Your man gives you all the time he has
Lady:Are 90 days fair?
J:You should ‘ve thought that before marrying a #Soldier
2016-09-22 22:49:35 +0000 Its positive.
I am negative.
I violated her.
Now I am infested by it.
Its killing me.
It wins.
Conscience made me donate blood to my victim.
2016-09-25 20:36:35 +0000 Its behind me.
I am behind it.
I loved it.
It, too.
They killed it.
I fear it now.
I am behind it.
Its behind me.
My Childhood Innocence.
2016-09-30 02:04:35 +0000 Duty: I have to be with him, because he likes it.
Love: I have to be with him, because I like it.
2016-10-02 02:13:35 +0000 #Cooking a #Cookkadh on a #Festive #Sunday is #Cathartic
More so, being a time-tested natural remedy to cure #Quarrel
Don’t #Stalk
Can #Mock
2016-10-04 14:43:35 +0000 Mom: Stay away from sharp objects. They are dangerous.
Son: Well, good bye then.
2016-10-11 05:03:35 +0000 ‘It was yours. You should have cared.’The cop rebuked as I lodged a complaint of my lost cell.
She married the other day.
I didn’t complain.
2016-10-18 02:10:35 +0000 Dad: Can`t you be patient enough to administer my medicines, even if getting late for work?
I: You taught me – As you sow so shall you reap.
2016-10-19 19:43:35 +0000 Kanta Bai became an overnight celebrity on #karwachauth
She posted ‘Feeling Hangry’ on #FB -got 50K
My wife is looking for her replacement
2016-10-20 00:54:35 +0000 #OneNightStand
Wife: Your day is done. #karwachauth over. Am back to #BAU. Okay ji?
Husband: Why to Bau ji?
Wife: Moron! Business As Usual!
2016-10-21 11:37:35 +0000 My wife has been ill for a few weeks.
We #quarrelled over therapy.
Neighbours #stalked.
Relatives #mocked.
Finally,Retail Therapy cured her.
2016-10-23 09:49:35 +0000 #Bond #Reboot
Waiter: For you, Sir. #PanBahar, Shaken not Stirred
Bond(breaks into a jig): Khaike #PanBahar Wala-Khul Jaye Bund Akal Ka Tala
2016-10-24 11:50:35 +0000 Woman-Is he separating?He slept with his friend yesterday, being with me for 5 yrs
Man-Oh!Our son was in an overnight school camp of Class-1
2016-10-25 12:24:35 +0000 An #Indian #Navy #Soldier turns 67 on Oct 28.
His wife wished to share all her feelings with him, as a gift.
She booked for @AeDilHaiMushkil
2016-10-26 12:32:35 +0000 He is my #father & my #mother shared the #pun & #pain of her life with him, for him @AeDilHaiMushkil 🙂
Its all about loving your parents
2016-11-06 04:00:47 +0000 #I feel.
#We should add to #India
Make it ‘WINDIA’
Let #Indians be #We
to #WIN as #We
#I as #Individual #Indians.
Do #We feel?
2016-11-11 00:15:11 +0000 #ShoePolish
I avoided one though my shoes deserved it.
He was a child-same age as mine.
I avoided murder.
Of another childhood.
Of my child.
2016-11-11 16:18:45 +0000 ‘Hi!Long time?’
‘I was fired!’
‘Unbelievable!You were in the top brass.’
‘Few chaps misused me.’
‘Now what?’
‘Watching Being Cyrus for now!’
2016-11-16 12:20:03 +0000 On your birthday,if they jingle as ‘Doodh Ki Safedi Nirma Se Aaye..’ rather than the customary one, presume you are too old to celebrate it.
2016-11-25 01:23:02 +0000 Me: Guests are expected. I want you here.
Maid: No.
Me: Dont forget, you are a maid.
Maid: No means No and when someone says so, you stop.
2016-12-24 23:10:02 +0000 Mother: You are promoting a myth by secretly gifting our boy in the name of #Santa.
Father: I just want to teach him ‘BELIEVING IS SEEING’.